It is 2014 and my 11 year old cousin just saw Fall Out Boy live and I never got to

this is some repressed middle-school-me-feels bullshit

tagged as: #personal #fob #fall out boy

I have spent a large portion of my afternoon/evening creating a huge wish list of clothes I would love to have but can’t quite afford to get at the moment. just to torture myself, I guess. I want really beautiful custom-sized dresses and cozy long-sleeved shirts and cabled sweaters and forest-green jeans and pretty grey boots and I’ll knit my own fingerless gloves and maybe one day I’ll be cute enough to do my own ootd posts but until that day I’ll daydream and cry.

If all of my followers gave me fifty cents, I could go two weeks without working and still make the same as a regular (for me) paycheck.

I hate spending money on myself, but I desperately need new clothes. My workplace is changing their dress code this month, and while I have a couple shirts, I need new pants and I’ll need new shoes soon. Not to mention that I only have about five non-work-shirts that fit me anymore. =/ I want to sell a lot of my old clothes that are in really good condition to make some extra money, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to sell anything. My photography sucks, I don’t have the willpower/energy to list everything and deciding on prices to charge is next to impossible. I am incredibly indecisive.

I know I’ve made almost this exact post multiple times, but it stays true. Does anybody have any tips? Work has been kicking my ass lately, and having energy to do anything else is next to impossible for me at the moment (thank God I’m going on vacation with Michael’s family on the 12th - a wonderful gift from his parents.)

There are a shit load of things I want, but clothes are a necessity, and clothes for very fat women are slim pickings (har har)…and ridiculously expensive.

If you want specifics for tips, I wear about a 36 pant size in Woman Within’s size chart, and shirts I wear a 4-5x from WW. I also desperately need bras, but finding them in my size (56 F/G) in a style I like/could afford would probably be impossible as well, since I hate soft cup bras (they make me look like I’ve got Bullet Bills coming out of my chest, or they offer no support at all.)

Sorry for clogging your dashboard with one of my main issues of the moment. Carry on. I love you guys. <3

There’s so many reasons for me to be happy, and I’m trying my hardest, but I feel so goddamned alone.

Had an interview this morning. Not outside of Walmart, unfortunately, but for an accounting office position at Walmart. And if I get it, that’s good experience for other office jobs! Keeping my fingers crossed, because the interview went well!

tagged as: #personal

 swarmingzebras asked: "Write 10 facts about you and pass this on to your 10 favorite followers~"

Oh my god! :333 This was such a huge boost to my self esteem, just receiving this. You’re so sweet, swarmingzebras (Seba*! (and by the way, I hope your birthday weekend is great, if I don’t find a chance to send you a personal message.) <3 Okay, onward -

1. I feel really disconnected from the life I used to have. I remember how I used to daydream about moving somewhere where nobody knew me and starting over, and now that I’ve basically done that, I’m finding that it’s almost surreal. On September 2nd, I’ll have lived here for two years, and so far, I’ve made one friend that’s not online, but that’s probably a symptom of third-shift living as well. But when I stop and think about how my life used to be, it’s like remembering a past life almost. It’s not necessarily either positive or negative, just strange.

2. I digress in short-story proportions when I’m writing (unless it’s for formal writing things, like letters, resumes, or essays.) It’s a problem I’ve always had, but I’ve never really cared, because I always come back to my main point, and it feels good to get things out. I’ve always had a lot to say, but I’m better at writing than I am speaking. When I’m speaking, I usually get overshadowed by other speakers - you know, you’ll be in a group that’s talking about a topic and you have a great addition to the subject, but then somebody interrupts you and nobody wants to come back to what you were saying? That’s happens to me constantly, so I find that when I digress, it’s like interrupting myself to explain my own great addition to the subject.

3. I use emoticons far too often, and I am completely unapologetic about it. =]

4. I don’t really like cinnamon that much. I think it’s overused and overrated. I think (and I know this is an unpopular opinion) that apple pie should taste like apples with hints of spice. Apple cinnamon candles should have hints of both! Pumpkin spice flavored and/or scented things shouldn’t be 95% cinnamon, because ginger, nutmeg, cloves, and allspice are all very important parts of the equation too! Cinnamon candies and gums are all way too hot, and cinnamon rolls are not nearly as good as maple pecan rolls. (Okay, rant over.)

5. I’ve started to really love knitting, and I hope I stick with it. It would be great to one day hold up a sweater or a huge afghan and look at it with pride and cozy up in it. Until then, I’m trying to balance my love of knitting with my need to sleep and eat occasionally.

6. I have PCOS and one of the symptoms is thick, coarse hair on the chest/neck/face. I’ve had it since I was about thirteen years old, and I hate it. It’s mostly on my neck, but it also grows up around my chin and on my chest. I really detest shaving it, and I would give anything to get electrolysis done on it. It’s so itchy and uncomfortable to shave, but even more uncomfortable to try to grow out. I wish I could rock a lady beard, life would be sweeter.

7. I have a slight obsession with the Eiffel Tower.

8. Potatoes are - by far! - my favorite food!

9. I use punctuation as I feel it should be used: to clarify the way a sentence is read. I prefer it this way, as opposed to ‘the proper way,’ for many reasons, but I wish English teachers had always felt the same.

10. I won a short-story-writing contest that my high school held my senior and got $100 from it! The story I wrote was told from the point of view of the guillotine that killed King Louis XVI, Marie Antoinette, and their children. I titled it “Au Revoir.” It remains, possibly, the best prose I’ve ever written. I can’t for the life of me find it anywhere. Fate is cruel.

I finished my pumpkin hat!!! Ahhhh!!! It looks so great (in my opinion, of course.) It’s definitely a large, very slouchy hat. It would best fit somebody with long hair, big hair (an Afro or other rounded style), or even dreads. Or I could stuff it and sew up the bottom so it’s just a cute knit pumpkin!

I was struck by the overcoming desire the other night at work to find gender-neutral replacement words for family members…mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle…

So far I’m pretty clueless.

tagged as: #personal #things

The Noodle and I went to Bath & Body Works because it is pretty much my idea of paradise on earth and the FALL SCENTS!!! ARE HERE!!!

And oh my god the Pumpkin Latte & Marshmallow Comfort is sooooo good and the Plum Moscato & Almond is one of the best things I’ve ever smelled in my life, so we did the buy 3 get 3 free thing, and then of course I got fall hand sanitizers and we got a pumpkin cupcake scentpod for the car (and a couple 1/2 off summer scented soaps and one 1/2 off summer candle) but then we had a meta coupon that randomizes between 10-40% off your whole order and we got 30% off and we saved roughly $80, so it was a pretty successful outing.

Now, who wants to put 200 more dollars into my bank account so I can go buy all the candles I wanted and bask in the best smelling autumn I’ve ever experienced? Anybody?

I almost lost 4 days’ hard work on my pumpkin hat in about 25 seconds, and I was crying while trying to fix it, but I did it! Now I’m waiting til tomorrow to finish working on it since my nerves are so frayed. Only 10 more work days until my vacation…I’m so ready for it.

tagged as: #personal #knitting #blugh

just a note to all fa’s/bbw porn blogs that suddenly want to follow me just because you found out who I am and I’m really hot: you’re going to be disappointed. When I post fat stuff/nsfw stuff/fat nsfw stuff, it’s for me, and it’s few and far between. I’m mostly a body positivity/feminist/social awareness blog with a shit load of personal posts and I don’t give one single infinitesimal fuck about you or your genitalia. Feel free to follow, reblog, or whatever, I don’t care. But you’ll be wasting your time.

tagged as: #personal

Today I am aching to step out of this person I am and into something more comfortable

starting work on my theme for my fall blog and remembering why I always put it off forever. html coding is not my strong suit, nor something I particularly care to get good at, which is why my themes stay the same so much of the time. but I’m going to make myself do it, and start up, so I can enjoy my favorite time of year without annoying everybody that follows me.

tagged as: #personal

I wish I could get drunk instead of just warm
I wish I could get high and stay that way for a month

and I wish I didn’t want to escape my head this badly

Here&#8217;s a crappy picture of a cute candy corn hat I knit. Would anybody buy it - for themselves or as a gift? Hypothetically, of course. It would fit an adult, or be a slouchy-style hat for a child with long hair or big, curly hair. It only took me two days to make. I would really appreciate feedback. I&#8217;m also good at making mug cozies, and small scarves/scarflettes/cowls wouldn&#8217;t be a problem. I&#8217;m learning how to do and make new things, it keeps my hands busy, and any extra income would be incredibly appreciated. Just let me know what you think, if you&#8217;re so inclined. ♥

Here’s a crappy picture of a cute candy corn hat I knit. Would anybody buy it - for themselves or as a gift? Hypothetically, of course. It would fit an adult, or be a slouchy-style hat for a child with long hair or big, curly hair. It only took me two days to make. I would really appreciate feedback. I’m also good at making mug cozies, and small scarves/scarflettes/cowls wouldn’t be a problem. I’m learning how to do and make new things, it keeps my hands busy, and any extra income would be incredibly appreciated. Just let me know what you think, if you’re so inclined. ♥