I’m not sure why, I just haven’t felt like being on tumblr lately. :/ My mom, aunt, and cousin are bringing me the rest of my belongings and visiting from tomorrow to Friday so I’m reverting to night sleep at the moment. I’m sorry to everyone that I (still) haven’t responded to yet. I’ll get there, don’t give up on me. See you all kinda scarcely for a while…
It’s a little after 10 am.
I’ve been playing AC:NL since yesterday (if you want my friend code, let me know!)
The ribs on the grill are almost done.
It’s lightly drizzling in one of those lovely soft chilly spring morning ways where the robins and sparrows and chickadees are singing love songs to the sky.
I made my mom’s pasta salad (special ingredients: extra sharp cheddar, pepperoni, and chick peas).
And best of all, I don’t work tonight.
I can get blazed as fuck.
Today is a good day. =]
To all who have sent me a message lately: thank you so much. I’m sorry I haven’t replied yet. I want to give thoughtful responses to each of you, but I’ve been busy cleaning the apartment and assembling things and working and just trying to have energy in general. I’ll get back to you soon, I swear. I hope you all have a great day! (That includes you, no matter if you sent me a message or not. Unless you’re a gross creep or a hate blog. In that case, go the fuck away forever.)
Day 1 of spring cleaning is going mostly okay. I’ve gotten 3/4 of the bedroom done (the other 1/4 is Michael’s clothes and the bed) and about 2/3 of the kitchen done but I’ve been at it for 4 hours and my spoons are depleting fast. I’m taking a little That 70’s Show break and then getting back to it. I’ve got a weird craving for peach tea and bratwurst. I want summer.
I have to wake up in 4-ish hours and I can’t get sleepy.
My neck hair has been growing at an annoying pace lately and I hate shaving it.
I have a pimple or zit or ingrown hair on my neck that sits right in one of the folds of my neck that occur when I’m bending my neck to do things like look down or lay on my pillows and it’s been there for 2 weeks. It doesn’t hurt, but it draws attention to my stupid neck & neck hair :/
My thighs have been aching lately, mostly at bedtime, and I can’t figure out why.
Money and taxes. I won’t digress at the risk of writing an actual novel.
I need to schedule an appointment with a doctor, but I haven’t been to an actual doctor in years (just clinics for stuff like sinus infections) and I HATE starting out with new doctors. They never spend enough time with me to really listen to my health history and always just focus on my weight, regardless of how good my blood sugar, blood pressure, and cholesterol levels are.
I have about 30 shirts and a few pants and skirts that don’t fit me anymore (some I’ve had since I was a sophomore in high school) and they’re all in great condition, but I’m not sure if anyone will want/buy them.
On the same note, I only have about 9 non-work shirts, and some of them are getting small.
My mom, cousin, and aunt are visiting in a couple weeks so we have to clean the apartment, but this paycheck is basically going to pay for local income taxes for the past year that I didn’t know about, so Michael is covering at least a quarter of my rent/electric/Internet expenses for this month, plus extra stuff like food and cleaning supplies. I hate when he has to use his money to help with my fuck-ups. :/ I’m so lucky to have him. I’d be hopeless (and homeless) without him. I hope our cleaning and my family visiting won’t stress him out too much.
My depression isn’t treating me well lately, which is another (new) doctor I should make an appointment with. Ugh.
Our toilet has an internal leak but the part that we think needs replaced is old (like, 80’s old) and even though we don’t pay for water, I hate wasting it.
There’s a position open at work that would pay an extra dollar an hour, and would take me to full-time. But it would be five days in a row, and my feet, hips, and back are killing me as it is. I need the extra money to get out of debt from college loans/etc. but I hate this job as it is. I really want to get out, not go up. That seems like an impossibility for anything but the distant future, though.
I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown. All this stress is just eating away at me and I find myself daydreaming about the worst months of my life (in bed 18 hours a day, not really eating, addicted to Vicodin, smoking…other bad stuff.)
Tl;dr, I’m not doing too good. :/ I need some help and stress relief.
I was with Michael at our local library and looking through a lot of vampire romances and werewolf romances and midlife crisis romances and westerns and the endless cookie cutter insert-a-name/color-by-number ‘mystery’ and ‘horror’ books (don’t get me wrong - these can all be great reads) and I just got frustrated because I noticed the first time I was there, but it’s become infinitely more obvious every time I’m back - there’s no YA section in this library. There’s a little kid’s section, and a religious fic section, and a large-print section, and a graphic novels section (which is definitely not bad, but not what I’m looking for when I want to just read a book) but no YA in sight. YA novels always just have so much meaning in them. All of them that I’ve ever read tackle subjects that are hard - but necessary - to deal with. ‘Adult’ fiction that I’ve read - especially lately - is good, but it just feels like a story. It doesn’t get to me in the same way.
I like the books I read to punch me in the heart.
I need sex like that more often
Today is March 7th.
I spent my morning putting away the Christmas stuff. It took me two and a half ish months to psych myself up enough to put it away.
I should probably get put on an antidepressant again.
Because of a ‘technical glitch’, all the beautiful dresses that I ordered on eShakti earlier this month are no longer heading my way. They were supposed to have been delivered by the 20th. I contacted them on the 21st and they told me my order had been cancelled. All I’m getting is a refund. I’m a little angry that it took them 22 days to let me know that my order had never been completed, and I had to be the one to contact them.
Jesus H. Christ this is so hard to watch
I’m just laughing and then crying so much
I decided to work last night, come home if I had to. I stayed the whole night and now I really wish I’d stayed home instead. I’m so worn out from work on top of this stupid sinus infection that has me coughing up bloody mucus and waking up hacking up a kidney.
And as an added bonus, while doing my normal, everyday work tasks, I picked up something that I quickly realized I should not have touched at all; while putting away reshops, I found a dirty meth pipe. Just another fucking Friday at your local Walmart. I don’t care what you do with your own body, but if I end up being a part of an investigation about you just because I was doing my job, don’t expect me to not harbor resentment against you. -.-
tl;dr I hate my fucking sinuses and don’t leave your dirty crank pipes in Walmart shopping carts.
Coughed myself awake. This is the worst part of a sinus infection…can’t sleep because I keep coughing, the coughs are rarely bringing anything up, but there’s a tickle in my throat that won’t go away so I cough regardless, and it’s really painful. :/ If I get to lunch tonight and decide I need to go home, I’m doing it. I just feel so bad for my sweetie pie. :( I don’t want to keep him awake! I hate being sick. I just wanna curl into a ball and die.
So this is definitely tmi
but I just coughed up some phlegm that had blood in it and I’m really worried that this might be an upper respiratory infection. =/ I don’t know who to talk to at work about it, but if I’m coughing up blood in any form, I don’t think I should be around the general public at work. And it’s starting to reach my ear canals, so that’s awesome. Ugh. :(
I’m pretty sure that this gross sickness I’ve got is an awful sinus infection, and it’s kicking my ass. Like, I’m losing my voice. =/ I wish the doctor I’m going to in the morning would tell me that I can’t go to work because I feel like shit, but I don’t have any more days left to call off (because Walmart’s call-off policy is horseshit).