Fifteen Things That Make Me Happy 

I was tagged by nanabobo567! =]

1. I’m not sure it’s ‘happy,’ per se, but Anberlin’s music, especially their Cities album, makes me feel like myself. I love it all the time, but especially whenever I’m experiencing depersonalization or derealization whatever, it helps me feel real and remember that I - and the things around me - exist.

2. Food! Making it, sharing it, eating it…if I had the money, I’d love to just make (and consume) delicious meals and desserts and snacks constantly. Autumn especially makes me super hungry, almost like I’m preparing to hibernate, but instead, I just get fatter! ^_^

3. Speaking of which - being fat and getting more fat! I feel amazing finding new stretch marks, feeling my belly jiggle against my thighs as it starts to hang a little lower, seeing my super chubby cheeks get even rounder…I love every inch of me, and it turns me on so much to know that I’m still growing. My fetish makes me happy! 

4. Cuddling with theorangemage and our stuffed animals. :3 I’ve never been anywhere that I’ve felt safer or more loved than in bed with my Noodle’s arms around me. He’s incredible, beautiful, and so important to me. I love you sweetie! ♥

5. Autumn! Gray rainy chilly days, bright sunny colorful days, all the decorations and smells and flavors and pumpkins! It makes me feel more alive.

6. Super-soft long-sleeved shirts/sweaters. I’ve always felt beautiful and so comfy in them. =]

7. Tumblr friends that I don’t talk to that much but still mean a lot to me (there are so many of you! I love you!)

8. Hugs. Especially long ones.

9. Pictures and videos of cute animals.

10. Tea!

11. Nerdfighteria, the Green brothers, and decreasing worldsuck (DFTBA!)

12. The Eiffel Tower

13. learning new science things!

14. the breakfast scene from Casper (the 1995 movie.)

15. WTNV! =]

(this got pretty difficult toward the end, my life is boring and I’m honestly just not that happy a person most of the time because mental illness is a hell of a happiness thief. but I tried! If you want to do it, go ahead!)

I’m having a good time on vacation but I also really miss my Noodle. It’s weird being on vacation with his family…without him. I feel slightly out of place. But his niece really like me and I’m getting along with his little brother more than I thought I would and the view from the deck at our suite is incredible. But not having the closeness and the warmth that comes from being in bed or even just on the couch with my sweetie is a jarring difference to my usual pace. On the bright side, I’ve made it my goal to stay as full as I can while I’m here so I can hopefully get to my goal weight and I feel so sexy and fat around all of these thin upper-middle class yacht owners and the tourists and college kids…like my belly jiggles so much when I’m walking and I just get so tempted to dig into my softness when I feel it bounce against my thighs. There’s a wall-size mirror in one of the bathrooms that shows me just how big I’ve gotten…unnnffff. Unfortunately, it’s pretty impossible to masturbate with 6 people in a 4 person suite, sleeping on the couch bed, but that’s another reason I really wish my sweetie was here : belly rubs. They’re just not as good when you give them to yourself. But anyway….

tl;dr I’m having a good time, I really miss Noodle, and I’m hot and fat as fuck.

Ooooohhhh…Michael is such a good feeder when I’m high and we’re both awake…he just went to get me a fried chicken bacon clubhouse meal, a McDouble, a 10 piece McNugget, and some skittles.

Watching him pull out of the driveway was a turn on.


at one point I thought people’s negative reaction to feedism was mostly due to fatphobia but I’m beginning to think I was wrong

it’s ENTIRELY due to fatphobia

(Source: youreyoungerthanyourealize, via theorangemage)

I’m really high, cute (with a bunch of our stuffed animals on our dresser), hot, fat, and horny tonight. In case you forgot that I love being fat, that I love my body, and that my Noodle is hot as fuck. Just thinking about how much I wish he was here gets me like this. (Feedist fetishy part next:) Thinking about him makes me remember how hot it is that I’m over 50 lbs heavier than I was when we met 2 years ago…fuck, it’s making me wet. Unfff.

Yes, I have a fat fetish. No, it does not negatively affect my ability to practice medicine. 


I am still somewhat shocked at the overwhelmingly positive response to this ask that I answered back in October. To date that post has received over 13,000 likes, reblogs, and responses. Out of that number, only 3 or 4 have been critical of the fact that I have a fat fetish and have stated that it makes me biased, and therefore I am not to be trusted as a physician where fat people are concerned. I would like to address those concerns.

Yes, I freely admit to having a fat fetish. Specifically Feederism (or Feedism). I have it listed among my interests in the About Me section of my blog. I have had this fetish since the age of three, long before I realized it was ever connected to anything sexual.

But you know what? There is a time and a place for practicing one’s fetish and the doctor’s office is not that place. Feederism is left to the bedroom and explored only with other fully informed and fully consenting partners. Partners who are not patients.

Yes, I suppose that having a fetish could make me biased. But, does that mean that other doctors (who don’t have a fat fetish) are not biased? (yes, if you think that doctors who don’t have fat fetishes aren’t biased, you’re wrong). Do a Google search for “fat bias in medicine.” On the very first page you see articles like, “Many Medical Students Have Anti-Fat Bias, Study Finds,” and “Medicine’s Big Fat Bias.” and “Anti-Fat Bias May be Equally Prevalent in General Public and Medical Community.”

Blogs like This is Thin Privilege have stories literally every day from fat people who have had their health concerns ignored by their doctors. Many of them ignored to the point where very serious health conditions have gone undiagnosed. Even non fat activist media reports on cases like cancer, multiple sclerosis, eating disorders, and broken bones going undiagnosed, in many cases for years, because doctors take one look at a fat person and say, “your problem is that you are fat. Lose weight and it will go away.” Cancer? Lose weight and cancer will go away? Broken bones? Lose weight and they will go away? Seriously? Simply as an example, a delay in diagnosis of cancer of even a week can sometimes make the difference between surviving or dying because of it. You cannot deny or ignore the fact that there is real anti-fat bias in the healthcare industry and that it results in countless adverse outcomes for the patients involved.

Going to medical school and being a doctor is not about mindlessly accepting everything you are told as fact, and not thinking critically about what you are being told. Question EVERYTHING.

We are taught how to read medical studies in medical school. Yes, the peer review process helps to determine what is a valid study and what isn’t. But studies are biased. Not only do you have to look at the study itself and how it was performed, but also who commissioned the study in the first place? Was it paid for by the pharmaceutical industry? The multibillion dollar weight loss industry?

Many times studies that don’t meet the investigators’ preconceived notions of what the results “should” be don’t ever get published. That happens a lot more often than you might think. Sometimes the groups funding the studies try and pressure the researchers to not release those results. They threaten to withdraw funding for future studies and that is where the chilling effect comes in.

It is true that my fat fetish has influenced how I practice as a physician. But it hasn’t influenced it in the way that one might assume. Because of my fetish, I have taken an interest in how fat people are treated by society. And to be honest, the way society treats fat people is really shitty. I have, because of my fetish, vowed to not treat fat people the way the general public has. I treat them with the same respect that everybody deserves, fat or not. Healthy or unhealthy. A person’s size or health status is not a measure of their worth.

It may surprise some here to hear that I have told patients to lose some weight. I have even referred a few of them for weight loss surgery. Gasp! A fat fetishist with a fetish for weight gain would NEVER do those things? Well guess what? This fat fetishist has done so, and over the course of my career I expect that I will do so again.

The difference is that I don’t blindly recommend weight loss or surgery to my fat patients. The vast majority of them do not need to lose weight to be healthy. Simply not recommending weight loss as the “be all, end all solution to health problems” is not “encouraging obesity.” I still promote healthy eating habits. I still promote exercise. But those things don’t have to be tied to weight loss to be effective. Many of my patients lose weight by doing those things, but I didn’t tell them to do those things to lose weight. Many of my patients who do those things never lose weight. But that doesn’t mean that they aren’t getting any benefits from doing those things because they haven’t lost weight.

TL; DR: Yes, I have a fat fetish, but that doesn’t mean that I have an “anti-health” bias as a doctor. And not having a fat fetish doesn’t mean that doctors aren’t biased against fat people either.

If any of my followers are uncomfortable following me because I openly admit to a fat fetish, that is perfectly fine. You are free to unfollow me if you want. It won’t hurt my feelings. Just don’t be an asshole about it. Somehow I have a feeling that very few people will do that, though.


When people who haven’t met my girlfriend ask about her, a part of my brain wants to describe her as follows: “She’s got a smile that fills up a room, and the rest of her is getting there…”

Every time I need a pick-me-up, I read this :3

tagged as: #personal #love #Michael #lust #fat #feedee #feedism

I just went to Golden Corral and ate so much and I’m so full and it’s such a great feeling. :3

I’m fat. I’m jiggly. It’s hot. Protip: click the gif. The frame rate’s a lot better. I get a lot jigglier. :P

I’m fat. I’m jiggly. It’s hot. Protip: click the gif. The frame rate’s a lot better. I get a lot jigglier. :P

agreekdoctor said: What was the name of the episode? I don’t watch this show but I kinda want to see this one now. :P

nanabobo567 said: What the doc said. ‘.’

Sorry this took me so long to reply to! I’ve been slightly busy this past day and a half. The particular episode is called The Foot in the Foreclosure, season 5 episode 8. =]

Sometimes belly doesn’t want to stay locked up in my pants like a cage. It seems I’m outgrowing these capris… :3

Sometimes belly doesn’t want to stay locked up in my pants like a cage. It seems I’m outgrowing these capris… :3



I love being full after eating a huge, satisfying amount of food and imagining that it’s already made me exceptionally fatter. I just wish I could afford to eat enough to satisfy me every day, because then I would be growing fatter.

(Source: littlemarshmallowqueen)

I’m super hungry but I don’t want fast food. I’m just burnt out on it. And I don’t want to take the time and money to buy and make and clean something myself because I know that I’ll be the only one that eats it and I might as well just cut up my debit card and top it with ranch and eat that because I spend so much of my money on food that I eat in one sitting. being a feedee is expensive; being a foodee feedee is really fucking expensive and hard, because I find fast food really boring and it does terrible things to my digestive system when it’s all I eat for a while. =/ Urgh.

tagged as: #feedism #feedee #frustrated #hunger

This morning, so far, I’ve eaten:

three stadium bratwurst, in a bun with spicy brown mustard
about two pounds (ish) of incredibly tender, moist, juicy barbecued loin back ribs slathered in Sweet Baby Ray’s bbq sauce
roughly half a cup of mustard potato salad
two ears of corn, buttered
a few buttermilk and herb potato chips
a few scoops of cannoli ice cream in a cone
brown sugar-maple-rum-vanilla-cinnamon sauce glazed peaches (two full fresh ones) with vanilla ice cream

and I’m still hungry. Some days I can just never get full and I wish I could just get fatter with every bite I’m just so frustrated with this plateau. I keep gaining and losing the same ten or so pounds and I just wish I had the money to eat the way I wanted to constantly.

Unnfff, I’m so fat and frustrated.

I just had a huge, incredibly delicious breakfast at Cracker Barrel…and now I’m craving doughnuts and ice cream and belly jiggles and something else…